Another week, another Horror Movie Marathon. This week, I dabbled with the paranormal and watched three movies about Ouija boards. Well, two movies about Ouija boards, and one that just decided to throw the word ouija in the title. Movies about demons and ghosts haunting people are usually pretty terrible. Add a gimmick like an Ouija board, or in the case of one of these movies, the game Charlie Charlie, and it gets even worse.

Why people find Ouija boards scary is beyond me. They are not some demonic artifact that is connected to the occult. They are literally a toy trademarked by Hasbro. You can buy them at Walmart, and they are stored next to Settlers of Catan and Life. If there was any actual evidence of these things being demonic, I am pretty sure they wouldn’t be so readily available. But horror movies love to put them in their film because people are stupid and think Ouija boards are scary.

I watched Ouija(2014), Ouija 3: The Charlie Charlie Challenge, and The Ouija Experiment 2. Spoiler alert, they are all hot garbage. But exactly how bad are they? Let’s find out.

 

Ouija (2014)

This movie feels like it was written by a computer. It is so by the numbers and cliche. The characters may as well be cardboard cutouts because none of them have any personality. The story is boring and uninspired. It is exactly what the result would be if you took every ghost movie, and put it into a blender. What we are left with is a watered down and clumsy concoction.

Ouija_2014_poster
By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=43317167

The ‘plot’ is that our main characters best friend is killed by some demon. She and her other friends go to watch her old house, and find an Ouija board and decide to play with it. We get the expected interactions from these bland characters. But then actual paranormal stuff starts to happen. After that, they start to get picked off one by one. But the way they are killed is never interesting. There is never a build up or any dread. It just happens.

This is one of those movies that tries to pass 28-year-olds off as 14-year-olds, and it is pointless. The fact these characters are in high school has zero impact on the story. They are only in school for two scenes, and we almost never see any of their parents. Why couldn’t they just play characters who are their actual age? There are characters who are sisters, and the actress who plays the older sister, is younger in real life, and it is easy to tell that by looking at them.

I can’t even tell the two male characters apart from each other, because they look the exact same, and neither has a personality. So when one of them is “killed” I am not even sure which one was killed. And by the way, the kills are so unimpressive. The one guy just gets stared at by the ghost, his eyes go white, and that is it. They cut away, and we learn he died.

They try to do a twist to make the movie seem better, but even that is stupid. The twist is that the older mother ghost that they thought was the one killing them, was actually trying to stop her ghost daughter, who was the actual evil spirit. They free the little girl by cutting the stitches in her mouth, and we are lead to believe that stops the hauntings. But then the little girl starts killing people and is now free because they banished the mother ghost. But what the hell was the mother ghost preventing the little girl ghost from doing before? She was still killing people and did not seem to gain any powers or get stronger without the mother ghost around. The hauntings don’t get ramped up, the movie stays just as tame as it was at the start of the movie.

This movie is bad. It is lazy, generic, tame, and just kind of a mess.

2/10

Do Not Watch

 

Ouija 3: The Charlie Charlie Challenge

So I found this movie and assumed, because of its name, it was a sequel to Ouija, and Ouija: Origin of Evil. It is not. Apparently, it is a sequel to another Ouija series, called the Ouija Experiment. Even though the word Ouija only ever appears once in the movie, and no Ouija board ever appears. Even though the word experiment is not in the title. And even though in the actual title card, the movie is just called Charlie Charlie. Kinda makes me think they released this a little after Origin of Evil was released, to capitalize on that movie’s success, and to capitalize on the Charlie Charlie viral trend.

Now if you do not remember what Charlie Charlie is, I do not blame you. It was a stupid trend, similar to Ouija boards. Basically, you take a piece of paper. In one corner you right the word yes, in the adjacent corner you right no, then repeat on the bottom corners except flip the two words. Then you balance two pencils on top of each other. The ghost will move the pencil on top and use it to answer yes or no questions. It is Ouija for people who can’t afford the board game.

Ouija+3+-+Charlie+Charlie+Challenge

The plot here is some struggling haunted house owner, decides to capitalize on the Charlie Charlie trend by incorporating it into his haunted house. But he only invites five people to come play, at $20 a pop. So his genius idea was to stay open for a night, have all his employees working, and make $100. How is that a viable business plan? I feel like staying open, to cater to five people who pay barely anything, will cause them to lose money.

They play Charlie Charlie, and then things start to happen. I really can’t get more specific than just saying things start to happen. This movie is so lazy, it didn’t even bother to make a Charlie Charlie ghost. There is no visual representation of the demon on the screen other than some weird light clouds. So we mostly just see scenes of haunted house employees running from nothing, and then dying off screen.

The characters are very one note. There is the tough guy, the bratty girl, the girl who can’t get off her phone (that is actually her entire character), the guy who is afraid of everything, and the weird guy. None of them are interesting, and the acting is horrible.

There are so many pointless scenes. There is a random couple who pulls up near the warehouse. They start arguing, and I am thinking they are just there to add to the body count. But then they just pull away later after getting into a big argument, and nothing ever happens to them. Why are they in this movie?There is a random haunted house employee, who just sits in a chair shuffling cards the entire time. The only time we ever see him is when there is a scream, they will cut him to show him looking up, before cutting away. Why did the ghost not go after him? What is his purpose? Later in the movie, after the bratty character dies. There is a scene where her ghost shows up to lecture her boyfriend, blaming him for her death. But there is no purpose, the scene just ends and never goes anywhere.

There are, to no surprise, multiple continuity errors throughout the movie. At one point, bratty character complains she is cold. Weird guy offers his coat, and she takes it. A couple minutes later they get separated. But then, the next time we see the weird guy, he has his coat on again, but so does the bratty girl in the next scene we see her. The cell phone girl just disappears for half the movie after just walking in the wrong direction because she is so fixated on her phone. She complains that she has no service but somehow keeps texting.

This movie is so bad. It feels like it was made over the course of a single week. The sets are ugly, the acting is awful, the dialogue is bad. Everything is bad. This may be the most pointless movie ever. No one could possibly be scared by this movie because there is nothing to be scared of. They couldn’t even find a little kid and put him in makeup to play the Charlie demon. That is how lazy they are. Just add some barely visible fog in post and call that the ghost.

1/10

Do Not Watch

 

The Ouija Experiment 2

So this is the predecessor to the Charlie Charlie movie. The plots have nothing to do with each other, but watching the quality of the movie, it is easy to tell.

To be fair, at least there is an actual ghost in this movie. It does not look good, but it is there. There is a tangible representation of the antagonist. And the acting is slightly better, though still awful.

ouija
Fair Use, By Source http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3727824/?ref_=tt_mv_close

This movie tries to be meta. See the actors who played the characters in the first Ouija Experiment, play themselves in this one. They are trying to sell the movie more and showing it in a haunted theater. But why should we care about these characters? They aren’t interesting at all. Why bring them back?

The problem is, all the other flaws are present. The movie feels rushes, looks ugly and has no interesting characters. I had a hard time paying attention because it was just so boring. Maybe if I had seen the first one I would understand, but I could not find the first one for free, and I was not about to pay the nine dollars Comcast is asking for to buy or rent this movie.

Like Charlie Charlie, this movie has multiple titles. In some marketing, it is referred to as The Ouija Ressurection. It is also referred to as The Ouija Experiment 2: The Ouija Ressurcaection. And Also, Ouija Experiment 2: Theater of Death. Word of advice, when a movie cannot decide what it’s own name is, it is usually awful. These movies are so bad I couldn’t even find a Wikipedia page on them.

It is the same tired plot as the other movies here. They play the game, then they start to get picked off until they can resolve it. Not only are these Ouija movies so last they keep using the same trope, but they keep using the same exact plot. At least Origin of Evil tried to change the formula. It is still a generic ghost movie, but it is a better one than these three pieces of crap.

1/10

Do Not Watch