Have you ever been watching Die Hard and then thought, “man I really love this movie, but I wish that everything was 10 times more stupid,”? Then do I have the movie for you.

Die Hard is one of my favorite action movies. A skyscraper is a fantastic setting for an action movie. The heights add tension, and there is an obvious source of hostages to add consequence. But what also made Die Hard great, was the hero. John Mcclain is not some super cop. Too many action movies make their heroes these unstoppable forces who can mow down henchmen like it is nothing. But Mcclain is just a normal guy. He is a normal cop, caught in a bad situation, doing what he can to save the day. He gets beat up, he gets knocked down, but he prevails. But Skyscraper decided that was dumb and made their protagonist super badass.

Who wants a relatable hero when we can see The Rock leap from a crane and then scale the side of a building? They do try, emphasis on try, to make Rock relatable. But the way they do this is the laziest, and most insulting way possible. Why bother writing him as an interesting character, when they can just give him the stereotypical family in danger, and show how much he cares about them. Hell, this may be okay if his family had a purpose other than constantly needing to be saved. But there is nothing. They are props. He has the generic wife and generic children.

They even gave one of his kid’s convenient asthma that only acts up in places where it would be the most dramatic. The child has no problems when running and talking in a smoke-filled room, but then it randomly shows up at a point in the movie where they need a dramatic moment.

Dwayne Johnson cannot play relatable. He looks like a superhero. They try to humanize him by making him an amputee, but it never stops him from doing anything. He never has to struggle with his disability. It is just another lazy way to try to make him more sympathetic.

I like the Rock. He is a charming, charismatic guy. But I struggle to think of movies of his that I like. The Rundown is the only movie I can think of that is actually good. The rest all range from mediocre, to generic.

The villains in this movie are also awful. They are cartoonishly evil. Hans Gruber was a bad dude, but he was also understandable. We knew why he was doing what he was doing. He felt threatening. The antagonists of this movie are just obnoxious. In particular, the female character who is violent, but in an over the top way. She is the type of character who will kill her own allies, just because.

Hans and his crew seemed smart in Die Hard. They seemed to be pulling off a very intricate plot for their theft These villains seem to be winging it at most times. They seem embarrassingly unprepared for everything. Why should I care about this story when neither the hero or the villains have any personality?

This movie has no heart, no story. It just has excuses for action set pieces. They came up with some cool things The Rock could do in a skyscraper, like jumping between buildings, scale the building, etc. It is so blatant they didn’t care about telling a story.

I haven’t even gotten into how dumb certain things are. The movie takes place in this “state of the art” skyscraper that is supposed to be this mega tourist attraction. It is the tallest building in the world and supposed to be able to be big enough for tons of people to live in, but it only has 3 elevators… Great planning there.

It was kind of funny, in the sense that so much stuff in this movie makes no sense. There are constant mistakes that scream lazy filmmaking. But overall, the movie is definitely in the bad category. Do not pay to see this. Wait until it comes out for free On demand or on other streaming platforms, and then laugh at how lazy and generic this movie is. The movie is like an unintentional parody of modern action flicks.

3/10